More to do than can ever be done.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. Here's a post that I wrote last May and saved as a draft. I guess it's time to post it.

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More to do than casn ever be done.

-The Lion King

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As a preface: I have decided to do a second year at LCS.

On a day to day basis, the work that we find at LCS can be very taxing. On a more practical level, I will never do this type of work again in my life. On an emotional level, I can't even process spening three months without these kids. I only know that I wouldn't want to spend next year anywhere else.

If you want an answer as to why I want to spend another year at LCS, I can't really give you one. This job drives me crazy. I hate waking up at 6 am and going to sleep at 11. I hate having vegetable oil and sugar as a main part of my diet. I hate being asked to do tasks way beyond my ability level. But above all, I hate the thought of living anywhere else.

At the beginning of the year, my focus was on what I was giving up, "I can't wait till Christmas when I can eat a big piece of meat with vegetables." "Wouldn't it be nice to choose where you go during the day?" "I want to dance." I'm not sure when, but at some point, things went "tet-anba." Now, the thought of going back to the states seems like a luxury. "I can't imagine talking on a cell phone." "I don't want to leave these kids." "Will all of the kids be here when I get back?"

I'm not sure if it's healthy or not, but for right now, that's what reality is for me. Permanence is fluid, and only in theory can you plan for days in advance. Any parent knows, there are no right answers when you raise a child. These days I feel like the children's parent. Therefore, if I do not want to loose my sanity, I can't act like a parent. I have to keep some distance while trying to start up a preschool for the kids in the zone. I do not want to end up the same way that my superiors have, but I would do anything to handle the situation the way that they do.

This week Woodna, one of our original 5 kids was traded by her mother for her half brother, LeLe. Now, LeLe comes to school in her clothes everyday, and he deserves as much love as she did. So, where do you draw the line when you practically pay parents to keep their kids away from an orphanage? How much support do you give? When does it become usury on either side?

I think the biggest question is "how do you put your energy into each kid when you know that they might not be there the next day?" The answer is bigger than "how can you not?" The not is easy. You just say, "No thank you, I'll go back to my country and tackle some other issues." After all, there are plenty of issues to go around. It's not about faith or religion. I can live the same life in the states. I could be a social worker. I could work with at risk youth. This kind of poverty is everywhere. So, why stay here? I have no idea. That's just the way that it worked out.

All of a sudden, picking silver ware off the ground was more alluring than going out for ice cream. Bumpy roads were more comforting than having my own car. Children's voices were more important than being completely clean. A good meal meant that there was protein. A nice day meant that no kids peed on themselves. A spirited conversation meant that you got to talk to grown ups. And I love it this way. That's all I know. If you want to know more, maybe I will be able to give you answers next June.

This just in

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If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done."

~Ludwig Wittgenstein

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In light of my quote, I will let you in on some very silly things that represent our true experience here in Haiti.

1. During the day, we have a number of whole school assemblies which are conducted outside since we don't have a large or cool enough space indoors for 300+ kids. On one particular Friday, however, we had a morning that was rainy enough to be annoying but not enough to cancel the morning assembly. Therefore, students slowly made their way to the basketball court, some with ponchos and umbrellas, but most with only indignancy. Enter Phillip, a fun loving strong leader who usually chooses to use his powers for good and not evil. Phillip kept spirits high throughout the meeting, which ends with the singing of the school song. Now, there are two versions of our school song: one calm and traditional, the other upbeat and energetic. Phillip choose to start the latter, which the students enjoyed so much that they continued singing it after it should have been over. The volunteers and staff stood on watching and enjoying the scene. Enter Patrick, our president, from his office. No, enter is not the right word. He danced, strutted, bounced out into the rain and right up to the table where Phillip was conducting the masses. The inevitable five minute dance party ensued; volunteers and staff dancing on the table and driveway, students somehow staying and swaying in thier lines, laughing at all of the horribly wonderful dance maddness going on during the regularly strict morning meeting. Oh, Fridays...

2. Every other Friday afternoon we get a bull on campus which lives on our soccer field all weekend until early Monday morning when he no longer lives but still stays on our soccer field. It's cheeper to to butcher your own meat when cooking for 400+ people. Usually they are lazy but still intimidating with thier long, pointy horns. Generally, on cow weekends we limit our trips to the soccer field. One weekend we had a bull which defied our generalities. This bull was small with tiny horns that did not extend past his skull, but he wasn't our typical lazy bull either. He'd walk around his teather, and change direction when the short line ran out. Now, this particular Friday night we decided to play a game called ghost in the graveyard where the person who is "it" hides and the teams seek them out...or something like that. We didn't actually play long enough for me to get a firm grasp on the rules since our little bull's horns weren't long enough to hold the rope on and he got loose. He wasn't an angry bull. He simply wanted to stretch his legs, so while playing our game in the dark, someone screamed and called out that there was a bull loose on campus and everyone hiding should come out. Right...who's going to fall for that one? So, one at a time, teams encountered the bull and made their way at varing speeds to our residence hall which has a very nice rebar gate that you can close but still easily see out of. So, while all of the silly white people hid inside, the Haitian staff who knew that the bull was not in fact dangerous went outside to catch it. At one point, Zamy, our vice principal, had gotten hold of the bull's tail and was "skiing" behind it. Eventually, someone made a laso and caught the bull, bringing it to the back playground which has a gate. The bull, not being one to be tied up, freed itself again and, out of spite I'm sure, pooped all over our back basketball court and playground. What is it that they say about little things and big packages?

The Certainty of Confusion

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...[God] so blesses me, that I might live to see another day, for though my home and my food have been taken, my soul and my life have been saved." The man immediately sprang to his feet, and with his heart full of faith and lips full of song, he began to pick up the pieces.

-Jonathon Trousdell (Read the Story)

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Wow. So I guess it's been a few months? I suppose it's time for an update.

Crazy story #1: The Ministry of Education says No School

For one reason or another a week after the earthquake, Haiti's Ministry of Education mandated a country wide month long school shut down. This meant that schools from PAP to the provinces had to turn away students. Unfortunately we're a boarding school, couldn't send kids home (they had no home), and could not have kids running wild around campus with no structure. So, one week after the quake we started with our "peracurricular activities" which just so happened to be in the classrooms and just so happened to resemble class. However, we did not start school. Heh. Heh. In all honesty, we couldn't start. We only had about a third of our students, so we could not move forward with our curriculum.

Walking around campus, you would see volunteers wrangling kids...there might be an aftershock scare with entire classes tearing out of classrooms because a loud truck drove down the street or a gate was opened. Maybe we've developed a twisted sense of humor, but after a while, it was a little funny.

On Feb 12th, we decided to hold the Ministry to it's word and start up "school" even though we did not have all of our students. Students were told to bring their uniforms and start studying for exams. Then we had three early morning aftershocks (4:30, 1:40, 1:45) that scared most kids into leaving. Over the course of about five hours we went from students in to mid 200s to to students in the low 100s. That day has been dubed the mass exodus. The day after the mass exodus, we were visited by a Haitian Police who was just scary enough to turn our "school" back into "peracurricular activities." But, we were not shut down since we're a boarding school with about 100 kids who would otherwise be on the streets or in the tent cities. The police turned a blind eye.

Today, we're back up into the high 200s. Sisyem and Sankyem are almost all back. All of our students who were injured are all back. Kids still flinch at loud sounds; some may even stand up, but then teachers yell "it's okay, it's okay, " and we nervously laugh about it afterwards.

The Ministry did not in fact stick to its original opening date, nor it's second, but instead has extended it's manditory school shutdown to April 1st. Which will probably lead to the biggest and most fantastic April Fools joke ever. "Heh Heh, Country, April fools!" Again, humors are now a little twisted, so please bare with me.

Crazy story #2: Collections

Post quake, we seem to be collecting things at LCS. Students, children, animals, we really don't discriminate.

Students still stay during the weekend. However, this weekend we were down to nine kids who can't go home. Most of the students who stay are my sisyem kids whose love for mango hunting is only matched by thier ability to find delicious mangos.

We have a new batch of puppies at the school, plus the two old dogs, plus the four old puppies. Simply put, we have a lot of dogs, and at least the six puppies are cute. The others are pretty darn ugly.

Beyond puppies and students, we also seem to be attracting children. After the earthquake, there were two parents who decided that they could no longer take care of their children, so they gave them to a guy who was going to take them to an orphanage. The whole situation was pretty shady, so Christina decided to go find the kids, and once she got the parent's support, bring them back to the zone. She found them at an orphanage/mechanic shop, and with the parents, had to literally pull them out of the orphanage. The plan was to keep them at the Moynihan house until we could get them to the Sister of Charity's orphanage. However, the sisters wouldn't take them since they still had a parent, and they couldn't stay at the Moynihan's overnight since they aren't an orphanage.

So, Christina and I set up a day care/preschool for 7 of the kids from the orphanage plus two whose parents work here during the day. After one week, we are doing pretty well, and we're figuring out how to do it. I've given up both sankyem classes in order to help during the day. I didn't want to give them up, but there was no way to do it all, so I'm trying to focus on the positives of the situation.

Here are the positives:

1. The kids are adorable.

2. After only a week the kids are already less agressive.

3. It's a fun job.

4. I have little kids to play with all day.

So, that's all for now...hope you enjoyed the update.

By Whatever Means Possible

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"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will land among the stars."

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Life here can be sobering, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Days post quake are incredibly random and surprisingly low stress. On any given day I will be doing anything from teaching to clearing rubble to feeding kids. Recently we've befriended a group of soldiers stationed here who come visit us a few times a week. Just yesterday ten of them came to do a lunch swap with our timoun from the neighborhood program. They brought MREs and we fed everyone rice and beans. It's ridiculous though because a lot of them are only 18 or 19... that's five years younger than me. Yikes.

We have groups of people translating at Food for the Poor, bagging food at the Sisters of Charity, a translating and working in a hospital in PaP, excavating and collecting church documents a collapsed cathedral and the archbishop's house in PaP, and translating, working in, and writing documents for a step down hospital at a seminary/clinic down the road. The stories that they bring back are incredible.

Two days ago, I had to go to the seminary to help paint temporary grave markers for the archbishop and vicar general of P au P, Wednesday I got to feed and play with our kids from the neighborhood program, and Tuesday I was sent up to the papal nuncio's house to help cook for and socialize with about 40 relief doctors and journalist.

As for the school, we are up to about 250 students during the week and down to 30 who still don't have anywhere to go during the weekends. We have six classes a day, and many professors are coming back. As of right now, we're not using one of our buildings which has six classrooms and boys dorms because the nonsupporting walls have cracks and we don't want to scare the kids. About six groups of engineers and architects have cleared the building and labeled it structurally sound, but we don't want to scare the kids. So, we're working on ideas for temporary outside classrooms once our numbers get back to normal.

That's one way to start the semester...

Where to start?

Thank God we're all safe, healthy, and calm enough to keep the school up an running. Classes aren't happening, but the buildings are said to be safe and we have been getting two meals out a day for students who choose to stay, their families, and the neighborhood. I think we're getting food free from CRS. We have plenty of water. Only two students...Ceron and Mithsuka...have injuries that we're carefully watching.

Patrick came back with three journalists, and it's nice to see him and have guests. In the mornings we usually are jump out of bed b/c of aftershocks. We still jump with bad aftershocks and rumbling noises. We're working with the kids...drawing pictures, playing games...to get them to tell thier stories of where they were.

I was upstairs in our dorm with Betsy and Mary when the earthquake hit. We heard rumbling as though the genorator was going crazy, then the walls started swaying and even though it wasn't vocalized, we knew what was happening. I got under a door way, Mary pulled down the standing fans, and Betsy yelled at us to get down. We had no idea what to do.

When the shaking stopped, we ran outside wondering whether or not our legs would hold us. Betsy said, "aftershocks...check on everyone..." we ran outside, and the first indication of how bad it was was that the front wall had fallen. We ran to the back, and saw Jon carrying a bleeding student. Then two more ran past from the playground supporting another. Patrick Fausten carried the last bleeding student that I saw before running up to the boys dorm with Mary. No body was there, so we ran down and were told to get to the basketball court.

The truck was out with the students within minutes and Zamy had taken control. We had a few intense aftershocks and watched bleeding limp bodies being carries past the fallen wall before we took the students back to the soccer field where they are still sleeping now.